The Journey

A very old and dear friend and I were working through a disagreement the other night. After I had stated why I was upset, my friend said, "Well, I'm sorry." It was half-hearted at the most, and I expected more out of a good friend like that. So I asked, "Why are you sorry?" When we finally got down to it, he said, "I guess I'm just sorry because I was wrong; because I didn't do the right thing."

That statement actually made me more upset. I explained to him that it was no consolation to hear he was only sorry because he was wrong. He was confused. "Well I guess I'm not sure what you want to hear, bro," he said.

I thought for a moment, and said, "I want to know that you're sorry about what doing the wrong thing cost me. If you don't understand the cost...that what you did hurt me, or that it may have even hurt you or our friendship, then I'm not sure I can believe you're really sorry."

My friend and I resolved the disagreement, but this conversation kept me up that night. I couldn't help thinking about repentance. Because when it comes to repentance, I'm not much different than my friend. I often repent only because I know sin is "wrong," or because I got caught in it. So am I really repenting then, I wondered? I don't think so.

If we only repent because we just don't want to be "wrong," then that's just moralism! There's nothing heartfelt or heart-changing about it. I think for 28 years that's taken me a whole lot of nowhere.

Heartfelt repentance means I have to own my sin...and I can't own anything until I know what the price is. I have to know what it costs the person I sinned against (pain), know what it costs me (separation from God and others), and most importantly what it cost Christ (his life).

But fortunately for us, Christ paid the price willingly, which means when I actually think about the cost of my sin, I can rest and rejoice...not wallow in feeling bad about it! This is huge. If I understand that my sin is real, that the costs are great, but that God offered his son to pay off the debt it accrued, I can be honestly sorry for sin and honestly joyful all at the same time. Pastor Darrin talks about this in a similar vein...that we're totally sinful but totally accepted...that we can have humble confidence...that we can live in the tension of the Gospel.

But this tension begins when we are willing to get down and dirty and see the muck and mire that our sin really is. So next time you need to repent, ask yourself "Why am I repenting? What is the cost of my sin? Then know that while the cost is real and the price is enormous, the bill's been paid. And let that lead you to a life of real worship.